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cesttonamie
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Name: Heather
Birthday: 11/21/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: I love and usually can be found Acting (both in plays and just being dramatic and goofy), taking lots of photos, listening to bands (like Olivia, my favorite), scrapbooking, and creating crafty craft stuff. And Most importantly loving GOD!
Expertise: Being cool!!!!Being Dramatic!!Being Stupid!!!
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  cesttonamie
Member Since:
9/24/2003
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| I have been saying that I'm not suffering from culture shock, but in a way I guess I am. I cannot stand American culture. Not all American culture but American women. This is not great because I've lost some of my passion to help young American women. I know it will come back. I am frustrated though with women here. Honestly it's so tiring to live in America as a female. Not because I feel women are mistreated or somehow oppressed, but rather because women here dress like skanks and if they don't they care so much about their bodies and looking "good." I'm not entirely sure what all these girls are shooting for looking like, but it pisses me off that young Christian women can't clothe their bodies properly, can't leave without doing their hair and make-up, can't look at themselves as beautiful. Granted much of this has been pushed on them. The media goes crazy with what is perfection. And our Christian men only reward the way they dress and do their hair and makeup by drooling over these girls. Ok, so it's not their fault because they're "visual." Then fine as visual beings I can understand the INITIAL draw to these types of girls. But at some point there should be a break between physicality and personality. As Christians we should focus on the inside. I feel like that so seldom happens, even at Biola. It's so frustrating. No wonder girls focus on their looks and have walls with a million bikini models stuck up on them so they can remind themselves of what they're going for. It's sad that they actually make walls of what they think is actually beautiful. The reason it's so sad is because most of the people who diet and try to lose weight or cover up some imperfection are people that are pretty. It's not about being healthy or making a good impression. It's about being "better" than the way you were made. It's so frustrating to listen to girls talk about how much they hate some part of themselves and then hear these super confident women who maybe aren't as "beautiful" as those other girls, but they love themselves because they know they're beauty in God's eyes. Our culture is severely messed up.
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| I'm still very overwhelmed. Those of you who know me, know why. I just wanted to thank all of you who have said that you're here if I need to talk or cry of whatever. Thank you to everyone who has said that it's normal and they understand why I'm taking it harder than most. Thank you for everyone who has opened their door or made late night trips to my dorm. I haven't called all of you or cried on everyone's shoulder, but I've felt so loved through all of you. Thank you for asking me questions and asking if I'm ok. Thank you for pushing me to answer. Thank you for sitting in silence with me until I can figure out how I feel or what to say. I really appreciate all of you.
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| SO I got a call last night around 6pm. My friend said she had some terrible news. She proceeded to tell me that Brandon Garcia had gotten into a motorcycle accident and when I asked if he was ok, she said no. He passed away. The news shocked me so much at first that I didn't know what to say or do. Then I realized that I was the first Biolan to know (other than her) and that since the people at church already knew I should let some of the Biola people know. I did that for a while. But couldn't continue for too long. Then it hit me all at once. He was gone. He was 23 and in a moment he was gone. This guy that I had loved to be around, that I had tons of meaningful conversations with (and about). This guy, who to me, wasn't just some guy. He was an awesome guy that I spent most of last summer hanging out with. He was an amazing guy who helped me come to grips with a few issues I had with my father. He was a guy that understood me so well that on Father's day last year when I called him if he would go to the movies with me, he did without hesitation because he knew how hard that day was for me. He really understood. We watched a movie that I had seen two times already and was over, but it was nice to sit next to someone who understood and not say a word. It meant the world to me during one of the hardest summers of my life. That's one of my fondest memories. I have a ton of em though. He was awkward, funny, wise, stupid, ridiculous, thoughtful, dense, caring, honest, genuine. I remember the night I told him I liked him and the incredible awkwardness, and not awkward at all feeling. We last and talked, like we always did. I love those times and cherish them. It was the most amazing thing in the world to hear the youth talk about him. They shared so many stories. stupid stories and meaningful. They said they loved hearing him talk about dating (or lack thereof). They loved him with all their hearts. They came because he made them feel special and wanted. He made them feel important. He was genuinely seeking God. Seeing the look in their eyes, the joy when they talked about him...that's something I won't forget. He made a big difference in their lives. He died as a servant of God. He died leaving a great legacy. He cared about the Journey and building up young men into men of God. That's something to rejoice about. It's a bit ironic that on church Tuesday he gave his obituary. He wanted the kids to write those this week. His obituary was written and he was happy with what had been accomplished.
I got to thinking about how short life really is. He was 23. He had made a great impact though. Seriously, the youth group grew 3 times the size and that was because he was putting the effort in and they all said that they could see how much he genuinely loved God. They, in essence, wanted to follow him as he followed Christ. That's such an accomplishment. I've been thinking a lot about that. I always say I'll do more for God when I graduate or when I become a leader or when...I need to be living now the best way I can. His last words to many of the youth were see ya later...we don't ever know if that's true. Seek now, for tomorrow really isn't promised.
There's a lot more I have to say, but I can't write anymore right now.
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| Ok, I've been reading a lot about Bush's Sudan sanctions and it's frustrating how much backlash there is. No matter what happens the man is gonna get reamed. If he sits back and does nothing people like me and many others will be disappointed. If he tries to help, doing those small things he can he gets reamed for doing either the wrong things or not enough. It's a horrible situation, but I am glad that our administration is trying to do something to help in the crisis. While sanctions haven't always proven to be the best way to help, it is something. I have at least a little hope knowing that Darfur is in the minds of our administration. It makes me want to write more letters asking our government to help.
I am also so glad that Bush had asked Congress to set aside 30 billion over five years to help the global fight against HIV/Aids. I feel like our government is really trying to help in doing what it can, although I think we could do more and also that the world could do more to help.
Overall I was just extremely happy to turn on the news and actually hear about Darfur and fighting HIV/Aids. Now if only we could convince Americans' that Lindsey Lohan's personal life is not as important as these issues. It still disgusts me when I turn on the news and I hear ten minutes about Lindsey Lohan and her drug problems and Miss USA falling onstage and a two minutes segment on Africa. No wonder people in America think we should stay out of world business, because nobody knows what the hell is going on in the world. If we don't even know what's going on in the world how can we say we should stay out of it.
Which also bothers me. It bothers me so much that people say we should mind our own business (in reference to Iraq and other things), but when you bring up the idea of mass genocide and ask if we should've tried to stop Hitler sooner, they say, "of course." How does that work? You can't say we should stay out of other people's business and also believe that we should step in if a whole people is getting wiped out. Not to mention, that this should be increasingly more important to Christians. We should be all about social justice. We should care about the world God has asked us to reach. How can we say we should bring the word of God to the people of the world and not care that thousands of those people are being murdered?
Ok I need to stop writing and start homework...
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| Ok, I haven't blogged in a while, but something happened yesterday that made me want to talk this through. Since none of my friends are around (everyone went to Australia, Alaska, and Wyoming). It's not necessary to read this, I'm just babbling.
Ok so my ex-boyfriend's dad (family friend) told me yesterday that Jeff (my ex) is going to be a father soon. Ok, I was a little shocked, but not really being that the reason I broke up with him in the first place is because he can't not go there. But then I was told that his girlfriend/baby's momma is 17. SEVENTEEN!!! One he's 21, and she's 17 which automatically brings it's own problems, but she's also 17! She's going to be finishing high school soon (I hope). So theoretically even if she turns 18 before she has the baby, it's still a BABY at 18. Young people seem to think that nothing will ever happen to them or that protection makes everything okay. My friend Gregg once told me that using scare tactics isn't a good way to get people to stop having sex, or to not have it. This may be true for people our age who seem to have a few more reasoning skills and have a slightly bigger capacity for understanding that just because you want something doesn't mean you should have it. (regardless we're stupid as well). But back to what I was originally talking about. This young lady has given up her young adulthood. I can't imagine missing these past 4 years, much less the next 14. Now here's the thing. Babies are a wonderful thing and a beautiful gift from God. They are full of love and are so wonderful. Most women know that holding a little baby or having a baby fall asleep on you is one of the most comforting things in the entire world.My favorite thing in the world is to go over to my sister's house, notice that my nephew is tired, pick him up and cradle him, lightly rubbing his back or humming to him as he falls asleep. Then to sit there with him as he sleeps. It's beautiful. God intended that I'm sure. But as much fun as that is, I can't imagine doing all the other things that come along with it. Changing diapers is not that bad, nor is burping and feeding. The crying can get on your nerves worse than anything else as well. That's not what I worry about and is not the hardest part of being a parent. As a parent you have the responsibility to raise that baby to become an adult. Not only to just become an adult, but to become a responsible member of society. At least I hope that's what parents want to do. But this girl is 17! You don't know what it is to be an adult at 17, so how can you raise a kid? So have an abortion, no big deal. Unless you have a conscience. And whether you're a Christian or not it's REALLY hard to lose a part of you and even as a fetus that baby's a part of you. It's just that there are so many repercussions to such a simple act. My other friend just found out that she has HPV and her test results came back abnormal. That means there's a possibility she has cervical cancer. My other friend thought she might have had HPV too. She told someone at her work and they said don't worry about it, there's a treatment for it. How stupid are we? Just because there's a treatment for something doesn't mean it's OKAY to get it! How much easier would it be to not have to go through the worry of wondering if we have cancer or not (OVER SEX). It's not worth it. Yes, sex is fun, but in retrospect any girl facing cancer because of it, would probably just wait. It's not that hard. Yes, it's frustrating to have hormones and to abstain, but it's so worth it.
I have so many more thoughts that I'm not going to go into. I just wish people were safe. Not only in checking how many partners their partner has had and making sure they get tested regularly, but just not getting involved with it in the first place. You can know that he or she has had only a few partners and you can "know" that he's clean, but you really can't be sure that you're safe. And even so what about pregnancy? Condoms aren't always effective (have we learned nothing from Ross and Rachel?--I joke, but I'm serious). Plus there's the whole emotional aspect. It's hard not to get attached in some way or another. Ultimately I just wish that people thought through things not with their hormones.
Also I just don't think you fully respect the other person if you're willing to put them at risk. Whether that risk is small or not, doesn't matter. It's the fact that you're willing to put that girl in danger or getting an STD or pregnant, or hurt emotionally. It's the fact that you could care less that they're not ready to be a parent. That you can use them for your own enjoyment. And without a ring and a wedding day, it's about your enjoyment. Because whether you think you're committed or not, it might not be forever. Someone will get hurt and unnecessarily so.
It's not cool to use someone else to make you happy. We do it all the time. It's not fair; it's not right.
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